[Rich Z]

Well, definitely getting off topic about rain, but what the heck. Not like it is going to make much difference in this forum.

A few months after Connie's diagnosis, I was walking from one of the buildings towards the carport, trying to talk to God. I was angry and distraught. Why Connie? The world will be a much darker and colder place without her in it. Of all the people in the world, SHE definitely does not deserve to have this happen to her. I was nearly to the carport when suddenly I heard a voice. It was like no voice I have ever heard before, and I can't even recreate that voice in my mind again. I was every voice I have ever heard rolled up into one. And that voice said to me as clear as a bell, "Trust me, Rich." I just stopped dead in my tracks, wondering if I actually heard what I heard or was really losing my mind.

Not long afterwards Connie and I were taking a walk up the road and a pastor for the church on Zion Hill Rd. was outside cleaning up the area. We stopped and talked with him for a while, and eventually he took us into the church to show us around. While we were standing in there, the front door to the church suddenly swung open. Now there wasn't any sort of breeze, and even so, none of the other doors or windows were open. The pastor's eyes widened a bit when I said "Come on in, God." We talked about Connie's situation, and he asked if he could pray for us. I have to admit that I had a lot of tears in my eyes then.....

So, signs or just my imagination making something out of nothing?

Oh yeah, right after Connie's diagnosis I really, REALLY prayed to God to help her. I told him I would give from myself whatever it takes to give health back to her. What EVER it takes, I would give. So when I had my heart attack, I thought he took me seriously. Matter of fact, on the way to the hospital in the ambulance, I did say to him, "You didn't waste any time taking me up on my offer, now did you?" Had a lot of people tell me I should have died that day. So God extending a hand to me again?

Interestingly enough, I actually did have God step in to give me a helping hand a long while back. I had just gotten my driver's license and had my Mom's Bonneville out for a drive. I was making a left hand turn into another road, going a little faster than I should, when I heard someone beep their horn. Like an idiot, I thought someone was beeping at me, so I looked around to see if I could tell who it was. When I turned my attention back to where the car I was driving was heading, all I saw in front of me was the back end of a parked car. I had swung too wide and was headed for a collision. No way I could avoid it, and I didn't even hit the brake or try to swerve left or right. I just clenched the steering wheel as tight as I could, closed my eyes and thought "Mom is going to KILL me!" And then, nothing. I eventually opened my eyes and I was just drifting on the road I had turned onto, well past that parked car. I had to pull over to the side of the road I was shaking so badly. I did not understand what had just happened. There is no way possible I could have avoided hitting that parked car, so *someone* stepped in and plucked me out of what was going to happen.

So of course, I have to ask the question, "Why me?" I am no one special. Why would God be looking out for me? Why would God tell me to trust him in reference to Connie? Well, I do believe Connie is special and perhaps that I why God has stepped in a few times in my life. I am supposed to be here for her.

So as to being "believers", not sure what that actually means. Sure, I believe in God, and I know Connie does too. When I told her about God speaking to me, she looked at me in awe. She doesn't doubt for an instant that it actually took place. But for the life of me I cannot understand why would be special in his eyes, when there are so many other people who have died, or lost everything, and surely they prayed to God just as hard, perhaps MUCH harder, than we have for his help. So where my belief falters, is in trying to understand why God would have his hand on my shoulder when I can't see where I would be worthy of that much attention.